Why is it that some people are able to achieve success almost effortlessly while others of us try and try again, only to never make any real progress?

Why is it that some people can bounce back from the toughest of circumstances while for other of us, one small rejection can see us giving up on our goals?

Why is it that some people can achieve one success after the other… while others of us get a fleeting glimpse of success before we then go back to our old way of being? (Ever lost weight only to pile it all back on a short while later? Then you know what I mean…)

There is one reason and only one reason alone that all of this happens – and that is your self-esteem or self-confidence. The more you believe in yourself, the more you are willing to persevere to overcome external obstacles… and the more you will keep building on your successes.

Put simply – If your internal self-esteem is greater than your external circumstances, then you will win the game of life. Or as John De Martini said, “When your internal voices are louder than the external voices, you have then mastered your life.”

“That’s all well and good Niro”, I hear you say, “But how do you improve your self-confidence and self-esteem?”

Well I’m glad you asked

There are a few different ways, including visualisation and positive affirmations. However, I want to look at something a lot more practical today – something you can easily implement without taking any extra time out of your already busy days.

One of the best ways I have found to improve your self confidence and increase your self esteem is to…

“Make and keep promises – to yourself and to others!”

That might seem a little unusual but bear with me..

You see, you can’t have confidence in someone until you can trust that person – and that applies to you too. I believe that self-confidence comes from self-trust. You won’t have any confidence in yourself if you can’t trust yourself. Ever heard yourself say something like, “Oh I know I should get up early (and I mean to) but then I know I’ll never do it.” Or “I meant to do that (take your partner out for a romantic dinner, spend more time with the kids, exercise more, send a thank you note to a dear friend etc) but I just never got around to it.”

The problem is that most of us think that when we don’t do something that promise ourselves, it does not matter. After all if you don’t exercise today, you’re not going to die of a heart attack. If you don’t take your partner out for that romantic dinner, you’re not going to lose them… And there is always next weekend to spend with the kids right?

But let me ask you, how do you feel when you break these promises? Not great right? Sure maybe the other people will forgive you – but you remember! And as you start breaking these small promises to yourself and to others, you start to trust yourself just that little bit less… until week after week, month after month, year after year, your self-trust and self-confidence starts hitting rock bottom and you feel completely unworthy.

Of course, you never say this. You always have good intentions but perhaps you’ll blame work and the fact that you are always too busy. Or that life just always gets in the way despite your best intentions – and it’s never your fault. But secretly, deep down in your heart, you know that’s not true.

Someone once said, “the road to hell is paved with good intentions.” We all have good intentions but we must follow through on our promises. Intentions are a start but it’s only action that will give us the results we want.

So start the process today! Make a small promise to yourself to do something that will set you on the path to leading the life you want. Perhaps you can promise yourself to get up 10 minutes earlier than you normally do. And see how that feels when you make and keep such a simple promise to yourself. Believe me, you’ll be amazed at how effective this simple exercise is in making you feel better about yourself and increasing your self esteem.

As you start making and keeping promises to yourself, you will start making and keeping promises to others. And as you do that watch how your relationships start to flourish…imagine being the kind of father who says he’ll be there to watch his child’s performance – and then actually turns up! Imagine being the kind of person who takes the time to surprise her partner with a spicy, romantic evening – for no reason other than you love your partner and you promised yourself that you would do it… and you did! Imagine being the kind of person who promises yourself to get up early every morning to exercise, no matter how busy you are – and then you actually do it.

Try this habit of making and keeping promises to yourself (and then to others) for just 30 days and watch your life change. I promise!

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