Why is it that some people are able to achieve success almost effortlessly while others of us try and try again, only to never make any real progress?

Why is it that some people can bounce back from the toughest of circumstances while for other of us, one small rejection can see us giving up on our goals?

Why is it that some people can achieve one success after the other… while others of us get a fleeting glimpse of success before we then go back to our old way of being? (Ever lost weight only to pile it all back on a short while later? Then you know what I mean…)

There is one reason and only one reason alone that all of this happens – and that is your self-esteem or self-confidence. The more you believe in yourself, the more you are willing to persevere to overcome external obstacles… and the more you will keep building on your successes.

Put simply – If your internal self-esteem is greater than your external circumstances, then you will win the game of life. Or as John De Martini said, “When your internal voices are louder than the external voices, you have then mastered your life.”

“That’s all well and good Niro”, I hear you say, “But how do you improve your self-confidence and self-esteem?”

Well I’m glad you asked

There are a few different ways, including visualisation and positive affirmations. However, I want to look at something a lot more practical today – something you can easily implement without taking any extra time out of your already busy days.

One of the best ways I have found to improve your self confidence and increase your self esteem is to…

“Make and keep promises – to yourself and to others!”

That might seem a little unusual but bear with me..

You see, you can’t have confidence in someone until you can trust that person – and that applies to you too. I believe that self-confidence comes from self-trust. You won’t have any confidence in yourself if you can’t trust yourself. Ever heard yourself say something like, “Oh I know I should get up early (and I mean to) but then I know I’ll never do it.” Or “I meant to do that (take your partner out for a romantic dinner, spend more time with the kids, exercise more, send a thank you note to a dear friend etc) but I just never got around to it.”

The problem is that most of us think that when we don’t do something that promise ourselves, it does not matter. After all if you don’t exercise today, you’re not going to die of a heart attack. If you don’t take your partner out for that romantic dinner, you’re not going to lose them… And there is always next weekend to spend with the kids right?

But let me ask you, how do you feel when you break these promises? Not great right? Sure maybe the other people will forgive you – but you remember! And as you start breaking these small promises to yourself and to others, you start to trust yourself just that little bit less… until week after week, month after month, year after year, your self-trust and self-confidence starts hitting rock bottom and you feel completely unworthy.

Of course, you never say this. You always have good intentions but perhaps you’ll blame work and the fact that you are always too busy. Or that life just always gets in the way despite your best intentions – and it’s never your fault. But secretly, deep down in your heart, you know that’s not true.

Someone once said, “the road to hell is paved with good intentions.” We all have good intentions but we must follow through on our promises. Intentions are a start but it’s only action that will give us the results we want.

So start the process today! Make a small promise to yourself to do something that will set you on the path to leading the life you want. Perhaps you can promise yourself to get up 10 minutes earlier than you normally do. And see how that feels when you make and keep such a simple promise to yourself. Believe me, you’ll be amazed at how effective this simple exercise is in making you feel better about yourself and increasing your self esteem.

As you start making and keeping promises to yourself, you will start making and keeping promises to others. And as you do that watch how your relationships start to flourish…imagine being the kind of father who says he’ll be there to watch his child’s performance – and then actually turns up! Imagine being the kind of person who takes the time to surprise her partner with a spicy, romantic evening – for no reason other than you love your partner and you promised yourself that you would do it… and you did! Imagine being the kind of person who promises yourself to get up early every morning to exercise, no matter how busy you are – and then you actually do it.

Try this habit of making and keeping promises to yourself (and then to others) for just 30 days and watch your life change. I promise!

Three strikes and you’re out.

That’s baseball right?

While I’m not American and haven’t watched that
much baseball, I do know that much.

Unfortunately, many of us confuse the game of
baseball with the game of life.

I know I have.

Let me explain: Sometimes we make mistakes.
Sometimes we fail. Sometimes stuff just doesn’t
go the way we planned.

For instance, let’s say you try a new project
but fail to get it done because of time commitments.

So you try again, only to be overwhelmed once more
with how much you have to do (now you start to
wonder why you ever started in the first place)

Then you try one more time to get the project
over the line (perhaps it’s to lose weight, start
a part time business, spend more time connecting
with the love of your life)… only to bomb out
once more.

Now you are less likely to have time challenges
if you follow the principles available here
but the truth is most people would give up at that
stage.

Psychologically, they turn their back on trying
again and head back to the dugout.

They stop trying… stop dreaming… stop trying
to learn and grow.

These are the people who say, “It’s all too hard”
or “That will never work… I tried it and it
didn’t work for me”…

You get the idea.

And sadly, they end up just chugging along, making
ends meet, doing what they need to do to survive,
never really happy with how their life is… secretly
wishing things could be different but never having
the courage to try again.

After my first business venture went under. After
my first property development venture went south.
After I got fired twice in 8 months. After I
struggled for months with my consulting business,
it would have been easy for me to throw in the towel.

But no matter what happened. No matter how many
times I screwed up, no matter
what my history suggested…

I never stopped dreaming about running a
successful business, being financially free and
making a difference in the lives of other people.

Most successful business people I have met have
had the same experiences.

Now, I still have a while to go before I call
myself a successful businessman but here’s the
thing:

If you have 3 strike outs in
business, in love, or in life in general…

YOU ARE NOT OUT

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE DUGOUT

YOU ARE STILL IN THE GAME

The only time you are OUT is when you decide to be
out.

Remember that – as long as your heart is still
beating, you are still in the game… if you
choose to be.

And that’s the key thing to remember. Life is
all about choice.

So if you’re struggling right now…

If you’ve failed and can’t seem to get things
working…

Don’t give up.

By all means, do something different…

Learn how to master your time (it’s the only
thing we all have the same amount of everyday)

Discover how to change your attitude...

Master how to handle rejection…

Focus on getting through those tough times…

And keep looking for new avenues to succeed.

But whatever you do, don’t give up after 3 strikes.

Because the gold is sitting somewhere after the
fourth strike.

To your success,

Niro

I had a pretty crummy day on Sunday.

I went to start the car in the morning – and it would not start. Flat battery! So that meant I had to cancel my Sunday morning plans… and wait an hour and a half for the car guy to come around.

In the afternoon, I went out to put the garbage out… and tried to come back into the house, only to find that my key would not work. So now I’m locked out of the house.

Good thing my wife was in the house… so she could let me in. We tried her key… and it didn’t work either. So now we’re both under house arrest as it were – we can’t both leave the house at the same time because we can’t get back in. And it’s Sunday which means that locksmiths charge double, so we decide to wait until Monday.

I want to go the gym… but my knee starts playing up. So I’m left to sit on the couch… put ice on my knee and think about how nothing was going right.

None of these things are life threatening… but don’t we all have those kinds of days where everything just seems to go wrong… where you can’t seem to get anything right and the whole world seems to be against you.

Well that’s exactly how I felt on Sunday… and I would have probably felt that way all of Sunday if I had not consciously decided to make a change.

And how do you change your attitude when you feel so crummy? In my post, “how to change your attitude”, I outline 7 tips on how to change your attitude from negative to positive.

But what did I do on Sunday that changed my attitude in a matter of minutes from crummy to contented?

I got grateful!

Grateful? That sounds strange, right?

I mean, how on earth are you supposed to get grateful or invoke the power of gratitude when everything around is going wrong?

It’s a simple 2 step process.

Step 1: Ask yourself – what am I grateful for in life right now?

Often when we feel so down in the dumps, it’s because we are focusing on the few things that are going wrong… when there is actually so much that is going well in our lives.

However, the problem is that when we are so focused on the negative… it is almost as if we are determined to feel miserable so this question won’t always work. If it does not work, go to step 2.

Step 2: Ask yourself – what could I be grateful for right now, if I really wanted to be?

This question is probably one of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself when you are trying to change your attitude.

When I was financially destitute, desperate and disheartened, the only way for me to keep going was to try and find things to be grateful for. For those of you who don’t know my story, I was over $100,000 in debt, unemployed, single, fat and I would have been homeless if not for my parents allowing me to live with them – rent free!

So I had to keep asking myself this question – and here are some of the things I came up with that were on my list… when I was at my lowest point.

• I have a roof over my head
• I have a warm bed to sleep in every night
• I still have my family
• I can experience the beauty of sunshine, fresh air and nature.

Sounds corny right? Maybe… but when you have nothing going for you, you need to start somewhere.

So when you are feeling a little down – ask yourself, this question.

And by the way, when I asked myself this question on Sunday, what did I come up with?

• My car battery went flat while I was at home… rather than when I was out in the middle of nowhere or on the highway. Wow, I’m lucky.
• My house key stopped working when my wife was home… thank goodness. Otherwise, we’d have both been locked out.
• My knee was sore while I was home on a Sunday… so I could just sit on the couch with some ice without having to be anywhere at any particular time.

When I started looking at things this way, I realised just how lucky I was.

So start using the power of gratitude, ask yourself the question: “What could I be grateful for right now, if I really wanted to be?” … and start enjoying the benefits of a positive attitude and a more positive outlook on life.

Let me know if you agree with the power of gratitude by leaving me a comment below.

To your success,

Niro

PS: If you liked this post, please share it on twitter, facebook and stumbleupon. I’d really appreciate it

As I write this, I have to admit, I’ve had a pretty challenging and character building week. I’m in the middle of a large number of sales calls… and when I look back at my results, I have not received as many “yes’s” as I would have liked.

Of everyone I’ve seen, I’ve only had around 1 in 5 people say yes to my offer. In other words, every time I see 5 people, 4 of them say no to me. Either what I have to offer is too expensive, or they think they have a better way or they just don’t see the vision I’m painting.

I don’t know about you, but I hate people saying “no” to me… I hate feeling like I wasted my time seeing someone (who appeared qualified) only for them to turn me down.

But here’s the question…  are they actually turning me down?

When I first got into sales, I hated people saying “no” even more than I do now. I was so petrified of getting a “no” and being “rejected” that I almost would not even turn up for the sales meeting. I also postponed following up people and I rarely asked for the actual order… hoping that somehow people would just pay me. Stupid right?

Absolutely… but it was how I went through life. Little wonder my bank balance was always closer to zero than I would have liked.

So what’s changed for me? Well, I still hate getting a “no” … but I don’t get hung about it. I’m well aware that, regardless of how good my sales pitch might be, how great my product offering could be, people are still going to say no. It’s just a fact of life.

Sometimes they will say “no” and other times it’s a “not now”… but either way, I don’t get paid.

That does not mean that I give up though… and neither should you.

All of us have been seen and heard of the great Walt Disney and his legacy that he left behind for the world. Yet, he heard “no” from virtually everybody that he spoke to when he first came up with the idea of Mickey Mouse. They thought his idea of a cartoon about a mouse was one of the dumbest things they had ever heard. In fact, when he went to banks to get funding for his first Walt Disney theme park, he was turned down and rejected by 302 bankers before someone finally believed in what he had to offer.

Imagine what kind of loss that would have been for the world… for all the children and adults alike who’s lives have been improved by Disney’s creations… if Walt Disney had not persevered through all the “no’s”.

And he did it by playing the numbers. He knew that he only needed a single yes for his vision to be carried out.

I’ve adopted this exact philosophy in my sales duties. I know that everyone won’t say yes (even if I think they are crazy to say no to me   ) However, I know that approximately 1 in 5 will say yes… so I need to see 5 qualified prospects to get 1 sale.

How about you? What are the numbers that you need? Perhaps it’s 1 in 302 like Disney or 1 in 5 like me.

The other thing to remember as well is that when someone does not accept your offer, they are not rejecting you… they are rejecting what you are selling. It is the product that is being rejected, not you.

It was when I realised this that I stopped worrying about people saying “no” to me. Of course it still bothers me because I truly believe that what I’m selling can change lives. However, I am no longer stopped by the fear of people saying “no”.

So whenever you are looking at selling something… apply the Walt Disney methodology. Sell by the numbers, accept that some people will say no to you no matter what… and just move on. It may be hard to do initially… but it gets easier.

And what’s your other option? Give up? That wasn’t an option for Walt Disney, it’s not an option for me and it should not be an option for you.

Leave me a comment and let me know your thoughts on handling rejection. How can you use the Walt Disney Strategy in your life?

To your success,

Niro

PS: If you thought this post was valuable, please share it on twitter, facebook or stumbleupon. I’d really appreciate it

I’ve been down and out before… many times than
I care to remember.

I broke my arm badly a few years ago and after
expensive surgery with metal screws and plates, I was
told I would never get full movement back in my arm.

I didn’t listen.

3 months later, I walked into my surgeon’s office
flexing my arm like a proud bodybuilder showing a full
range of motion and then some.

…. I was told that I would probably fail my third year at
university because I missed so much of it due to illness.

I didn’t listen.

By the end of that year, my name appeared in the national
newspaper as one of the top achievers in my course.

… My grandfather who suffered from Alzheimer’s went for
a walk one day… and got lost. The police came back later to
say it was getting dark and it was impossible to find him
until morning.

I didn’t listen.

I kept driving around – looking…

And then I found him… 2 hours later, cold, shivering and
disoriented.

I was told later that if I had not found him that night, he’d
have probably died overnight from exhaustion, starvation
and the cold.

…. Just over 2 years ago, I was broke, destitute and could have
been homeless if not for the support of my parents. Bankruptcy
seemed like the only option.

I didn’t listen.

Within 6 months I’d cleared the bulk of my debts, gotten
my creditors off my back and was moving forwards again.

Bankruptcy be damned!

Ok, so what’s the point Niro?

Simple… and this is something that many of us struggle with

Bad stuff happens to good people.

There are a lot of people out there who say that if you just
think good stuff, you’ll only get good stuff.

Horse’s ass!

Bad stuff happens. Accept it.

And when you are down and out… when things are at
their worst, there will be people (perhaps with good intentions)
who tell you to just give up and accept it.

Don’t listen.

Don’t give up.

Don’t throw in the towel.

Here’s the truth – if something bad happens to you, it’s because
you are supposed to learn something like perhaps how to handle rejection… and then do something.

That’s it. There isn’t anything more magical than that.

Look, at times I know that things happen that are completely
out of your control… and it sucks.

I lost a close friend of mine a few years ago. He went to bed
and just never woke up. I was holding the books he wanted to
borrow off me that morning when I found out.

It sucked! It wasn’t my fault… and it certainly wasn’t his.

But it was no reason for me to get all grumpy… or think life
sucks and allow myself to just be pushed around by the
whims of fate.

No way!

You look for the lesson – you get smarter and you
get stronger!

From my friend who died so young, I learned that
life is fragile.

Value it.

From my broken arm, I learned that your body can
break.

Look after it.

From my grandfather who got lost, I learned how
valuable your health is.

Treasure it.

When I was told, I’d probably fail my university degree,
I learned that the system was flawed.

Screw it.

And when I was facing bankruptcy, I learned that my
ego, my greed and my impatience were a triple threat
to my happiness, my wealth and my relationships.

So I’m trying to squash them (I’ll let you know when I
get there )

Yet from all of this, I learned the most valuable lesson
of all.

Never give up, not matter how tough things get. You
can get through it even if you initially think you can’t.

Believe me! Persistence is the key.

In the words of Winston Churchill’s great speech…

But for everyone, surely, what we have gone through
in this peril — I am addressing myself to the
School — surely from this period of ten months,
this is the lesson:

Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never,
never — in nothing, great or small, large or petty
– never give in, except to convictions of honour and
good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the
apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.

My final thoughts are this:
Bad stuff happens to us all. It sucks but it’s true. But
what determines the course of your life is what you
do about it.

If you constantly suffer from a bad attitude towards
life, then check out my post “7 tips on how to change
your attitude from negative to positive”

Some guy once said that “all good things
must come to an end.”

He was an idiot!

Why? Because he only gave us half the truth.

The second half is more important.

“All bad times must also come to an end… eventually”.

That’s it from me,

Niro

PS: If you think this rant can help someone going
through tough times, do them a favour and share
this on facebook, twitter on stumbleupon. Thanks!

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It’s holiday time which is a time to party, to connect with family and friends… and in general have a great time.

And I really hope you get to do a lot of that… I’m heading off to Malaysia with my girl for two weeks of shopping (guess who’s priority that is? ), seeing family, partying, rest, recuperation… and hopefully a whole lot of doing nothing!

However, I’ll also be doing something that I encourage you to do as well.

Spend some time reflecting over 2010 – how was the year for you?

For me… 2010 was the year I got married… the year I helped take a business that was about a month from closing it’s doors to the strongest position it’s been in 5 years (and within 6 months too!)… the year I put on 5 kg and became the most unfit I’ve been in years (no I didn’t achieve all the goals I wanted to either), the year I bought another investment property and the year I was able to take two amazing overseas holidays… plus a whole lot more.

When I say reflect on your year, I don’t mean to start whinging about all the things you did not achieve… but rather, be honest with yourself. Like me you probably achieved somethings and failed to achieve others.

Once you have reflected on your year, start planting seeds for your new year. Most people set these big damn resolutions for the new year… I’m gonna lose weight, give up smoking, spend more time with my kids, earn more money or whatever. Yet you already that it’s a tiny percentage of people that actually do anything and follow through on their resolutions.

Why?

One of the main reasons is that life gets in the way. It’s easy to say you’re going to achieve something when you are relaxed or on holidays… or just a little drunk But when you get back into the swing of things, you now need to start doing something new so you can get that new goal.

And as you already know, doing something new, adding something to your already busy schedule is bloody hard. I’ve made this mistake many times – saying I’d do something and then never actually following through.

So what I suggest is that you start planting seeds now for your new year. If your goal is to lose weight (like mine is), don’t wait until the new year to start… why not start now? Yes, I know it’s silly season and there is more bad (but tasty) food around than you poke a stick at.

Heck for me it’s even worse because yesterday was my birthday.. so it was chocolate cake for breakfast (thanks wife!), tiramusu for morning tea (thanks team!), chocolate brownies for afternoon tea (can’t remember who gave me those) and then cocktails for dinner… I think I just got fatter in 24 hours.

But I knew this would happen and I don’t feel guilty about it because I’ve started planting my seeds for next year. I’ve got hold of a personal trainer and we’re going to begin training from January. I’ve committed to seeing a dietician the moment I get back from my holidays and my gorgeous wife has arranged a great reward for me if I hit my weight goal by my first year anniversary… so I’ve got plenty of seeds planted. (Plus I’ve just told you and everyone else who reads this… so I better damn well follow through)

What this means is that when I come back from holidays, I’m going to start the new year running… and that’s what I want you to do.

Plant some seeds now so you don’t stall when the new year comes. Don’t let 2011 be another year where you wished you made a change… instead start now (just small steps) and let momentum build for 2011… and together let’s make next year the greatest yet.

Happy holidays

Cheers,

Niro

PS: What do you think about planting seeds? Do you have another strategy that helps you stick to your new year’s goals? Share them by leaving me a comment below.

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Why Your Fear Is Killing Your Dreams

I’m not sure how to feel right now – it’s a cross between being livid and feeling sorry for these people.

If you’ve been reading my stuff for any length of time, you know that I’m a big believer in pushing through your limits and your fears to live the life of your dreams.

So you can imagine how I felt when I recently saw two people give into their fears…. and prevent themselves from achieving what they want from life – even though it was right in front of their face… available for the taking.

Here’s the scenario:

A lovely couple on low incomes had worked very hard over the last 25 years to pay off the debt on their home. However, they were both completely burned out from all the overtime they have had to do and were looking for a way out.

When they met me, they said they would like to be in a position where they could retire within 5 years…. and retire comfortably.

So I put a structure in place for them where they could achieve this goal easily… and retire with an income of $100,000 per annum after tax. It was quite different to anything they had seen before so they had lots of questions.

I spent hours answering every one of their questions and by the end of it, the only question that was left to ask was,

“Why wouldn’t you go through with this?”

Her answer? “I’m chicken!”

Top marks for honesty.

By the time we got to this stage, it was late on Friday night. I told them to go sleep on it over the weekend and I would be in touch on Monday. I gave them a lot of reading material as well.

Guess what happened over the weekend?

She went to work on the Saturday and told her colleagues about the idea. Who were her colleagues?

Other factory workers on very low incomes. And what did they say?

“Something like this could never work… it’s too good to be true…. you’re just a factory worker – who are you to be able to achieve something like this… forget about it” and more.

Now, don’t get me wrong – I have nothing against factory workers but the question to ask is, “Are they the right people to be going to for financial advice?”

This poor lady was so freaked out by what her colleagues said that she completely shut down… and decided to just do nothing and continue to work the crazy hours she has done for the last several years for very little return.

And why did she choose this course of action?

Because she was scared. Because it was different to what everyone else in her inner circle was doing and because her so called friends told her it was a bad idea.

Result? Nothing…

She will let the opinions of her well meaning but unqualified group of friends stop her and her partner from achieving what they want from life.

So what about you? Who are you listening to? Who have you allowed to speak into your life?

I have a very strict rule on this– there are certain people I have allowed to speak into my life on certain issues. For example, I have a couple of friends who advise me on almost everything finance related. They are absolute experts in this area. However, I don’t go to them for advice on health – I have someone else for that.

What about you? Do you have a group of people who can support you in the achievement of your goals?

Remember, the major reason people don’t achieve what they want from life is fear. To help us overcome this fear, we sometimes try and get advice from people we know… even though they are not qualified. And that can kill you!

Remember, fear will kill your dreams – just like it did with this couple.

If you want to have something you’ve never had before, you need to do something you’ve never done before… that means you need to do something for the first time. And that’s almost always scary! So the question to ask is what’s bigger – your dream or your fears?

Whenever I’m scared of doing something (and I frequently am), I ask myself these 3 questions;

1.       What could I get if I go ahead?

2.       What could I lose if I go ahead?

3.       What could I lose if I continue to do nothing?

If you find that fear is continuing to stop you, then the answers to these questions almost always help me get over my fears. If you want to find out more about how to overcome fear, primarily the fear of failure then read my post – Don’t fear failure, use it as a learning experience instead.

What about you? Where has fear stopped you from being all that you can be… and what are you doing about it? I’d love to find out.

To your success,

Niro