Don't be like a tiger when you're having an argument

The TV show “Two and a Half Men” is one of my favourite sitcoms. I enjoy watching even the reruns as a way of completely disconnecting and just having a great laugh. I always feel recharged after the half hour, although it’s rare that I take away any key lessons. This particularly episode was different.

In this episode Charlie Harper has to negotiate with his brother’s ex-wife Judith’s women’s group about why he is not a bad influence on his nephew, Jake. The women are up in arms that Charlie’s hedonistic lifestyle is having a bad influence on the 10 year old Jake. So Charlie walks into the lion’s den as it were, to negotiate his case. He walks into Judith’s house where there are group of ladies, all hurting from broken relationships in the past and are really looking to put the boot into Charlie. The episode is absolutely hilarious but what I learned from it was:

In times of conflict:

1. Look at the consequences of solving the conflict versus letting it blow over.

Sometimes, a confrontational situation can just blow over or can be ignored. Other times it needs to be solved. In Charlie’s case, he had to go and sort the situation out because otherwise he would not be able to see his nephew again, which is something he could not even consider. Leadership is knowing which conflicts need to be resolved and which can be ignored.

2. If the conflict needs to be faced, then face it!

Most of us prefer to run and hide whenever there is a challenge or a conflict we need to face because it is unpleasant. Well, that can often end up making the conflict situation worse. If you do not take out the weeds when they are small, they will end up taking over your garden. The same applies to conflict. I’m not talking about being someone who goes looking for a fight, but rather be someone who does not run away when the situation causes you to stand firm.

3. Don’t point score.

Many of us in conflict situations attempt to protect ourselves, our job, our reputation or just our ego by trying to prove that we’re right and the other person is wrong. However, the problem is that the other person is trying to do the same thing. As a result, the conflict only gets worse and over time, people sometimes even forget what the original cause of the conflict was. It just becomes a case of proving that you are right and the other person is wrong. Unfortunately, many marriages break up because of this one thing. If the relationship is important to you, the first step in any conflict is to shelve your ego. I’m not saying you need to allow yourself to be trodden on. I’m just saying that once you put aside your ego, you have a better chance of reaching a far better outcome for both parties.

4. Know Your Outcome:

When Charlie went in to meet the women’s group, his outcome was to make peace with them and show that he was a good influence on Jake. His outcome was not to go and prove he was right and have a good argument, although that was his first inclination. When there is an argument or a spirited debate brewing, be clear on your outcome. Have you ever got into an argument with someone and after a while you forgot what you’re arguing about but you just keep arguing? Generally, when this happens it’s because we’re just feeding our ego and trying to prove we’re right. What does that do for the relationship?

5. Be willing to see it from their side:

This is a tough one since a conflict often arises because we don’t see things in the same way as the other person. At the extreme, religious wars happen because neither side are willing to look at things from another point of view. However, it is the person who makes a genuine attempt to understand the other person’s point of view, who will be able to get the best possible outcome from any conflict. On a side note, I’ve often found that when I try and see things from another perspective, I learn more about the situation and we end up with a better outcome than if I had simply acted on my own perspective.

6. If you have made a mistake, accept it.

In today’s society where we are encouraged to shun responsibility and find someone or something else to blame, I’m suggesting you stand out from the crowd. Be the person who has the courage to accept your mistakes and you’ll be surprised at the respect you get from your peers. Sure, some people will still have a go at you but that’s because they are feeding their own security. And really, once you accept that you’ve made a mistake, what more can be said about the issue? More often than not, I’ve found that when I admit making a mistake, I go from a feeling of powerlessness to being back in control again. Admitting your mistake can also often defuse the situation and both parties can now work towards a solution. People will often forgive mistakes of the mind (where a genuine error is made) but they won’t as easily forgive mistakes of the heart (covering up the initial mistake, lieing, blaming someone else etc).

7. Be real
Again, I’m asking you here to stand out from the crowd and be true to who you really are. Accept your human frailties. Charlie does this well by first accepting how his behaviour could be a negative influence on Jake, owning up to his mistake and acknowledging the fact that he is still learning how to act around a 10 year old kid. He admits that he loves Jakes and would never do anything to harm him – and if there is anything the ladies can suggest for him to change his behaviour he would. When you are that authentic and that real, people will warm to you and they will more than likely forgive you. This is exactly what happened in the case of Charlie Harper. In fact, the ladies all ended up completely warming to Charlie and went over to his place for drinks. Now that’s conflict resolution from the expert!

So next time you get into a conflict, remember the Charlie Harper 7 step process to resolving conflicts. I guarantee that you’ll be a happier person, the people around you will be happier and if it’s in a work environment, your team will work harder to achieve things for you. Try it out and see and then let me know how you went.

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Today we are busier than ever before. While technology constantly gives us more tools that are supposed to streamline our lives, we just seem to have more and more to do, and less time to do it in. Feelings of stress and overwhelm are at their highest levels and people are sick of the word “time management” which just seems to imply different ways to try and cram even more into your already over-full day.

The Undergroundsucess.com philosophy is that every day should be a day you look forward to, one where you can appreciate the beauty of life while making progress towards your goals. I guarantee that if every day, you are making progress towards what’s most important to you in life, you will feel a greater sense of productivity, inner peace and fulfilment. If that sounds interesting to you, if you’re interested in being more productive, having more time, achieving more, enjoying more of life, being more relaxed and generally happier, then below are 15 tips you can implement immediately.

Allow me to offer a key distinction between productivity and just being busy. Being productive is using your time to achieve what’s important for you, while being busy just means to fill your time with as much as you possibly can. So please go ahead and read below my 15 tips on how you can increase your productivity and then more importantly, practise them!

Productivity Tip #1: Ask What Can you Stop Doing
I know that one of the promises of this post was to help you get more done. However, the first thing to understand is that there are only 24 hours in a day and we will always be able to fill up that time. So the only way to get more done is to create a vacuum of time. Many people think that time management is just getting more done and they continue to add more onto their plate and before soon they are sinking under the weight of everything they have to get done. So work out what you can stop doing or at least what can you outsource. Tim Ferris, in his brilliant book The 4-Hour work Week: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich, shows exactly how he does it. For me, one of the things I do is I pay to get my car washed. This frees up approximately 2 hours of my weekend. Now that’s 2 hours I can use elsewhere. What can you stop doing?

Productivity Tip #2: Batch low value tasks
If you have a few errands to run, or quick phone calls to make, do them in one hit. For example, rather than going to the grocery shop 3 times a week, make a list, just go once and buy in bulk if you need to. Answering emails is another example. Many of us are hooked to our emails and are constantly “on email”. I now aim to only answer emails twice a day. That way I’m not interrupted from doing more important tasks. Also, by batching your low value tasks you will find that you get more done in a shorter space of time

Productivity Tip #3: Get rid of distractions
This is a massive one in today’s era of modern technology: emails, instant messaging, status updates, sms etc. When you are in the middle of an important task and you get interrupted or distracted, it can take you up to 20 minutes to get back into the zone. If this happens 3 times in a day, that’s 1 hour of lost productivity. In a fortnight, that’s 10 hours or more than one whole day of lost productivity, just from being interrupted. Imagine what you could do if you had a whole extra day every fortnight. Now you know how.

Productivity Tip #4: Use Your Prime Time
The television networks know about prime time – that is the time when most people are watching and they will get their best return for their money. Hence, they put on their best shows during this time. What is your prime time? Your prime time is the time when you are at your most productive. Use this time to take on your most challenging and valuable tasks. For me, my prime times are either in the mornings or evenings. I try to keep my afternoons for lower value tasks while my mornings and evenings are set aside for tasks that require significant thinking.

Productivity Tip #5: Create Chunks of Time
Create chunks of uninterrupted, focused time where you can work solidly for between 45 to 90 minutes. Aim for this to be during your prime time and eliminate all distractions during this time. You will be amazed at how much more productive you are and how much relaxed you are at the same time.

Productivity Tip #6: Single minded focus
When you work, especially during your pre-designated chunks of time, don’t allow yourself to think about what is coming up later in the day, or what the kids are up to. Focus on your task at hand. If you’re like me, the moment you focus on one thing, your mind starts bringing up other things that you also need to get done. This used to stress me out before as I’d try to remember everything I needed to do, while trying to focus on my current task. That made it impossible to be productive and just stressed me out. So now, if ever a thought or a future task pops into my head, I just write it down on a notepad and then keep on working, until I’ve either completed the task or my pre-designated chunk of time has finished. This has made me so much more productive and allowed me to get a lot more done in less time.

Productivity Tip #7: Don’t Multi-task
That might sound weird in a world where we taught that multitasking is the key to increased productivity. This could not be more wrong. I know women can multitask better than men can, and while that may be true, it only applies to low value tasks. For example, answering the phone while filing papers. Anything that involves considerable think time requires single minded focus.

I know this might not sit right with you so try it for a week. Try focusing solely on one major task at a time and watch your productivity sky rocket.

Also, there was a report that came out which showed that multitasking actually reduces your intelligence, mainly I believe, because you stop doing the hard work of thinking. So don’t multi-task, at least not when you’re doing high value tasks. Do things with a single minded focus and I’d be surprised if you did not at increase your productivity by at least 30 to 50%.

Productivity Tip #8: Goals
Make sure you set goals for yourself both long term and short term goals. Unless you know where you are heading, it is so easy to get frustrated and overwhelmed with how much you have to do. I guarantee that your productivity in life is directly linked to how much time you spend working on your goals.

Productivity Tip #9: Prioritise
When you set daily goals for yourself, prioritise them. A key distinction to go from being busy to being more productive is to allocate your time to your highest value tasks. What is the most important task for the day, then the next important and then the next important after that. This way, you know you are always tackling the most important task on your list and if anything comes up during the day that takes your way from your plan, you have peace of mind knowing you have at least achieved your most important goal for the day.

Productivity Tip #10: Write everything down
It does not matter how well you try and order your day, unexpected and new tasks will be thrown at you. Whenever a new task comes up, write it down and compare it in importance to your already scheduled priorities for the day. This one tip has saved me a bucket load of stress and increased my productivity substantially because more often than not, an unexpected task that comes up is often of a lower value than what I already had planned for the day. So I can stick to my original plan. How many times have you had a plan for the day and the something happens and you get so busy and caught up, yet by the end of the day you wonder what have you achieved? This one little tip has almost completely stopped this happening for me, immediately increasing my productivity. Even if an emergency comes up that is urgent and you need to address the task immediately, you will at least have more peace of mind because you know you are putting your time to the best possible use that you can.

If you have read this far, then I’m hoping this is of real value to you. I want to really help you implement these tips so I’ve included a bonus video that reviews 7 of the best tips I have for productivity to help you further. Enjoy!

Productivity Tip #11: Set Your Super Six The Previous Day
Every night, before you go to bed, or perhaps at the end of the day before you leave the office, review your goals and set your top 6 priorities for the next day. After a long day, this is often the last thing you want to get done but it is a proven productivity booster. By setting your top priorities the previous night, you can start your day with immediate momentum. While everyone else tries to settle into their day, you can begin being productive immediately. This tip has given me an extra 30 minutes to an hour every day. Imagine what an extra hour in your day would do for your productivity.

The second benefit is that you will sleep better. One of the major reasons for people not sleeping so well these days is they have so much going on in their head which they are trying to remember. If you have everything written down, you can go to sleep with peace of mind knowing that you won’t forget anything. As a result you will wake up better rested which will allow you to work at your optimum, allowing you to keep your productivity and output at their highest levels.

The final benefit is that your subconscious will go to work for you on your most important tasks while you sleep. I don’t know exactly how this happens but I just know it does. The number of times I have written down a challenge that I know I need to take care of the next day, only to wake up with the solution obvious to me is unbelievable.

Productivity Tip #12: Schedule Your Priorities, Just Like Setting Meetings With Yourself
Goals are great, but you need to schedule time to achieve them. Unless it is scheduled, it isn’t real. For example, one of my goals is to go the gym twice a week. If I don’t schedule that into my calendar, it becomes so easy for me not to go because something more pressing comes up. Let me assure you that something more pressing will always comes up when you don’t have your time scheduled. So now, when I look at my calendar and I see a 2 hour slot programmed for the gym, it means that I can’t schedule another meeting at that time.

Also, by scheduling your priorities (rather than prioritising your schedule which is what most people do), you will work your life around your major priorities and your goals. In the past I used to try and work my priorities and my goals around my life and it never worked. It was little wonder I would quickly fall behind and fail to achieve my goals. This is one of the major reasons why people fail to achieve their new year’s resolutions. For example, if your resolution is to start running 3 times a week and you don’t schedule it, then your normal routine will take over and nothing will change for you. So if you want to maximise your productivity, make sure you schedule your priorities.

Productivity Tip #13: Stick to Your Commitment
There is no point scheduling your priorities and making commitments to yourself, if you won’t keep them. I know several people who will tell me that they planned on running three times this week but then “stuff came up” and they never even went for a walk. They then complain about how they are so busy but they fail to realise that the main reason they are not as productive and falling behind on what’s important to them is their own inability to keep their promise to themselves and follow through on their commitment. This used to be me until I realised that I had to take control of my own life and start changing my own routine. Stick to your commitments and you will be amazed at how much your productivity increases.

Productivity Tip #14: Review Your Progress / Milestones
If you were driving to a new place for the first time, you would monitor your progress to ensure you were on track (or at least your satellite navigation system would). Otherwise, how would you know that you were on track? You need to do the same thing with your life. If you are not regularly “checking in” to ensure you are on track, it is so easy to just get busy without actually being productive.

I set my yearly goals then I bring them back to 90 day goals, monthly milestones and then weekly milestones. Every week, I spend about an hour reviewing whether I am on track or not. It won’t matter how organised you are, life will throw an unexpected curve ball at you from time to time, so by checking in with your progress, you will know what adjustments you need to make to get back on track again. Also, you will start to feel good when you realise that you are making progress every week. Nothing is better for productivity than knowing that the hard work you are putting in is paying dividend, so review and monitor your progress regularly.

Productivity Tip #15: Manage your state
There are times when you will feel lazy and you just cannot be bothered. During these times, you will need to manage your physical state and snap out of your laziness. Feeling lazy is an absolute productivity killer. How to snap out laziness and what you can do when you just can’t be bothered doing anything is something I will dedicate to another blog post. However, if you are feeling lazy, try and go for a walk, get some fresh air and some water. Do something to change your state, even if it as silly as jumping up and down in the same spot ten times – it might feel ridiculous and you might not be able to do it if you’re in the office surround by dozens of people, but it can definitely work. Otherwise do some stretching and just get moving. You’ll be amazed at how, once you start moving, within minutes your feelings of laziness have disappeared and you can get back into being productive again. 

So there you have it. 15 tips you can use immediately to take your productivity to levels even you can’t imagine. I promise that if you take the time to implement these 15 tips which will allow you to increase your productivity, you will feel more relaxed and have far more peace of mind.

If you have any further tips or you don’t believe some of these won’t work, please leave me a comment below. I’d love to get your feedback.

To your increased productivity and getting more out of life
Niro Thambipillay

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